When I was younger, my knowledge of love was plainly based on what I read and what I have seen in media. I started having crushes as early as the fourth grade, huh...my grade school classmates will never forget E.S., he was a short, stocky grader, with dark skin..ugh...but mind you, he was very smart. I guess that is what I like in him too... He was smart. My best friend at that time, CDC, also had a crush on him, and we almost ended "quarreling", but, best friends will always be best friends...ahahaha...But of course, now, he is just a name and a memory. End of story.
High school was also fun. There was "shy eyes", then, "wild thing", then, "small but terrible"....etc... oh my goodness the codes went endless. They, as DTR would refer to as my "men"...(and they were just crushes, excuse me!...), were all brilliant in their fields of expertise...the smartest guy in class, the goofy smarty sporty kid rolled into one, and the short guy again but with the best volleyball skills...hahaha, those were my crushes. Then I fell in love. Hmmm... was it really love or just infatuation. And of course, infatuation that was... because when I saw him again in College, I felt nothing. Probably because in college, I was in love again... with my best friend, "the gay man"...but Ironically, nothing special happened to us then, but only after college, when we met again in Manila...whew...that was what I called "real love"...then, it hit me, he was really gay. Confirmed and tested...but I still loved him after that...
After Manila, as my career path had taken a sudden halt and a turn around, I met Lili's dad... started out as friends and ended how it is now... This too is real love. And I am not ashamed to say that I am and I guess will always be in love with him...Although a part of me wants to stop...but I can't. Maybe it's not love, maybe it's foolishness--- hmmm???
It is love, because in spite of everything I still care and worry about him. Plus, no one has made me feel what he has made me feel...
Quite frankly, I have two suitors now, and they are both above the young adult stage, however, they are acting like graders. One is even corny and instead of me liking him, I get turned off by his way of dealing with me. And the other, well, he is an EX-Seminarian. Oh my goodness, I don't want God to punish me for taking away his man from him...lol... Seriously, I don't feel any connection. Oh and there's this forty something guy who I met through blogs, who wants to be my business partner. Actually he is nice, but I think he does not like me but my talents that he can use for the business...My cousin said he had been asking a lot of questions about me, but he never said anything about courtship...so I think with him it is purely business and nothing else. But, he keeps telling me stuff that I feel awkward about... my point here is that, if it's purely business then he should stop making me feel awkward...
High school was also fun. There was "shy eyes", then, "wild thing", then, "small but terrible"....etc... oh my goodness the codes went endless. They, as DTR would refer to as my "men"...(and they were just crushes, excuse me!...), were all brilliant in their fields of expertise...the smartest guy in class, the goofy smarty sporty kid rolled into one, and the short guy again but with the best volleyball skills...hahaha, those were my crushes. Then I fell in love. Hmmm... was it really love or just infatuation. And of course, infatuation that was... because when I saw him again in College, I felt nothing. Probably because in college, I was in love again... with my best friend, "the gay man"...but Ironically, nothing special happened to us then, but only after college, when we met again in Manila...whew...that was what I called "real love"...then, it hit me, he was really gay. Confirmed and tested...but I still loved him after that...
After Manila, as my career path had taken a sudden halt and a turn around, I met Lili's dad... started out as friends and ended how it is now... This too is real love. And I am not ashamed to say that I am and I guess will always be in love with him...Although a part of me wants to stop...but I can't. Maybe it's not love, maybe it's foolishness--- hmmm???
It is love, because in spite of everything I still care and worry about him. Plus, no one has made me feel what he has made me feel...
Quite frankly, I have two suitors now, and they are both above the young adult stage, however, they are acting like graders. One is even corny and instead of me liking him, I get turned off by his way of dealing with me. And the other, well, he is an EX-Seminarian. Oh my goodness, I don't want God to punish me for taking away his man from him...lol... Seriously, I don't feel any connection. Oh and there's this forty something guy who I met through blogs, who wants to be my business partner. Actually he is nice, but I think he does not like me but my talents that he can use for the business...My cousin said he had been asking a lot of questions about me, but he never said anything about courtship...so I think with him it is purely business and nothing else. But, he keeps telling me stuff that I feel awkward about... my point here is that, if it's purely business then he should stop making me feel awkward...
On love, I just want something that lasts...and that runs both ways...end of story.
No comments:
Post a Comment