Finally, I AM LETTING GO---

These past few days, I have been contemplating, soul searching and did so much thinking... mathematically that is... I wanted so much to keep the old business address and simply have it converted to a store or a mini grocers or anything that would somehow be of value... but no matter how much I try to imagine it, I would be working hard only to pay off the bills... tsk.. tsk... tsk... not a very good idea indeed... It is enough that the learning laboratory have had marketing coverage and people have already inquired about our offerings. But quite frankly, our clients in the city are paying more than the clients and would be clients here in Balulang, so it does not really matter much about the location. I have clients because my clients were satisfied with what they got. And by word of mouth, I am simply adding one client after another. That is a good sign, isn't it? When a client is on vacation for the summer, then a new client takes the slot... God is really good to me and Lili... He knows our needs and unselfishly gives more than I could ask for...

Anyway, what I will be keeping is the learning laboratory. In short, we will be moving the business to a new location--- The Orange House... At least there, I can have the classroom, the computers and all... with our own comfort room and Lili can sleep in the afternoons, should she stay at Honeysweet for Kidz Learning (starfall.com). I would then be saving a whole lot of money as I will simply be maintaining one venue and simply one set of bills... Plus, it is right at our very home, Lili's and mine...

Letting go of the old place is really difficult, but I think it will help much financially. So too, since daddy was never able to visit the orange house, then we will be starting fresh, Lili and I. At least there, there won't be much to remember about daddy's visits. Therefore, there would be nothing to talk about. End of story.

I just want all the bad things erased. Or simply put, forgotten! It will be over soon. As they say, endings are beginnings of beautiful things... And as I promised Zarelle, daddy and daddy's family may not be welcoming, but a new daddy will be, so with his family. In the mean time, she is secure in the thought that the people who loves her can not be counted by just counting her fingers in her two hands... The people who loves her are more than how much she can count... And that is my family, the entire Aguilar and Mordeno Clans... So I was thinking, perhaps it's best that we drop her last name after the case is done.. What for? What's the point of bringing the family name of the family who from the start never cared for her??? What the hell for??? Someday, when my daughter's achievements take her places and build her her name, I do not want to imagine that all glory and honor will be given to the family who never even wanted my Zarelle to have a decent life and a good education... Why on earth was the birth certificate signed when the person who signed it did not even want to share in the responsibility, right?

Whew... I am not angry... in fact, none of all emotions are present now... I am calm and I don't give a damn about the people on the other side anymore. What they think and what they will do won't matter anymore. I am already numb from all the shame and pain they have caused me and my daughter. I just want this over with with... Just like Honeysweet Learning Center, our lives will soon be parked at the right space... No more obstructions and no more extra fees... I have paid my dues more than how much they are worth... This time, I just want what's necessary. Similar to flying an air balloon, if I want to soar higher, I just have to drop excess baggage... because soaring higher is not just for myself, rather, it is for my Zarelle's future... That is the part that the people on the other side do not really understand...

Not understanding things lead to cruel generalizations, and uncalled for reactions... Sometimes, the hurt and the insults go so deep, that even apologies could not do anything to change things....Consequently, adding up to the unwavering chaos are other people's selfish motives that prevent others to think for themselves, as they are dictated by other people's shallow interpretations and disguised intentions. Like what I said in my previous post, none of this could have happened if people were nicer and kinder to others.

I need not think about this anymore... As my friend Ninin once said, "sa umaabot nga panahon, makita ra nato ang linug-dangan aning tanan"... (Someday, we will all see everything clearly...)

Don't give up.....

Here's another one from Tita Mila. I thank God for giving her to me. She is a wonderful friend and Tita, who never fails to share words of inspiration... The title is DON'T GIVE UP...

One day I decided to quit...

I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality. .. I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God. 
'God', I asked, 'Can you give me one good reason not to quit?'
His answer surprised me...
'Look around', He said. 'Do you see the fern and the bamboo?' 
'Yes', I replied.
'When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. 
I gave them light. 
I gave them water. 
The fern quickly grew from the earth. 
Its brilliant green covered the floor. 
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.
In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said.
'In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. 
But I would not quit.
In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would
not quit.' He said.
'Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared
to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant. .But just 6
months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.
It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.
I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle.'
He asked me. 'Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots'. 
'I would not quit on the bamboo. 
I will never quit on you.'
'Don't compare yourself to others.' 
He said. 
'The bamboo had adifferent Purpose than the fern. 
Yet they both make the forest beautiful.'
'Your time will come', God said to me. 
'You will rise high'
'How high should I rise?' 
I asked.
'How high will the bamboo rise?' He asked in return...
'As high as it can?' I questioned.
'Yes.' He said, 'Give me glory by rising as high as you can.'
I left the forest and brought back this story. 
I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.
Never, Never, Never Give up.
For the Christian Prayer is not an option but an opportunity.
Don't tell the Lord how big the problem is,
tell the problem how Great the Lord is!